Terrible news: Stephon Marbury – who's allegedly as mad as a box of Beijing ducks and plays in the CBA (Chinese Basketball Association) for the team of the same name – has announced that he'll soon be retiring from sport.
No doubt his legions of fans in his adopted homeland will be devastated, but at least they have the comforting environs of his museum, the House of Marbury
to commiserate in and sheets of commemorative stamps
to dry their tears with.
Don't go breaking our hearts, @StarburyMarbury! Photo via Twitter.
Marbury made his intentions known through his Twitter account on Sunday, telling the world that he's got the hots for the upcoming 2017-18 season but won't be playing any more basketball after that.
At least he didn't make an attempt to whack his own face on the balls used and rename the sport Marburyball – after all, the only foreign dude to ever have his own museum
, statue, range of aforementioned stamps and permanent residency in China could be said to have some precedent in this area.
Marbury eats a tub of Vaseline on YouTube at a low point, back in 2009 [VPNs on].
So how on earth did the man once hyped as one of the twinkliest stars in the firmament of American sport end up as a cult figure in China? Marbury's career trajectory certainly makes a statement – not many men start their basketball career in 1996 with the Minnesota Timberwolves, make the NBA All-Star team twice, represent the US in the 2004 Olympics, crash out of the NBA as, well, a bit of a joke, move to Shanxi in 2010 to play in the CBA, have a major resurgence from 2011 onwards with the Beijing Ducks, win three championships and, as previously mentioned, get their own museum and legions of maniacally devoted fans.
Also, as an aside, he can really play basketball.
We honestly don't think we can do Marbury justice with mere words: he's an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a Beijing Ducks jersey and light-up 'Starbury' shoes.
Just watch this video and tell us you're not disappointed at the prospect of this basketball legend leaving our lives after 2018, possibly forever.