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The tackiest Halloween costumes on Taobao

Just because you can wear 'em, doesn't mean you should

It's Halloween, the one time of the year where we abandon all thoughts of what's appropriate and celebrate all that's scary, sinister and just plain ridiculous.

Despite quite a few of these numbers committing crimes against all that's decent and tasteful, a bunch of these are also a bit of a laugh. And if you can't look like a total knob during Halloween (see Exhibit B: Bananas), then when can you?

'Halloween' Mary Jesus Costumes


mary jesus

Christmas and Halloween collide in these festively-confused get-ups. If you're used to people seeing you and shouting 'JESUS CHRIST', then hey, feel free to go with it.


Alternatively, if you're into the religious theme but want to spice up the appropriate level, check out this sexy 'Virgin Mary' outfit:


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Bananas


"Banana"


There are plenty of phallic jokes we can make about bananas, but it turns out there's no need for innuendos or subtle humour when you're letting it all hang out in these babies. For all the taken gents out there, remind your partner exactly why they're with you, or for single lads, consider it an advertisement of what sort of heat you're packing. And for even extra versatility (talk about bang for your buck), you can even let all the ladies or men out there know if you're circumcised by wearing your banana peeled or unpeeled. *Unknown whether the red-bro-cup is free with purchase or not


Pumpkin


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While we're still in the produce section, check out this pumpkin number. Who said big, round, orange fruit couldn't be sexy? Between this and the banana costume, you might be in for some kinky grocery-based role play.


I'm a bat, man


"batman"


If in some alternate universe Bruce Wayne lost his parents' fortune and wandered into a furry party, then this is the costume we imagine the caped crusader would come up with. You're unlikely to be mistaken for a billionaire player-turned vigilante, but at least your head will be warm.


The Doge


"doge"


The quintessential Halloween costume for millennials, this costume's for anyone who's ever had the dream of being a walking meme. This one's actually from Tmall, but look how versatile it is! Wear it under a tree, wear it on a bike, wear it for the laziest bank robbery ever. So amaze. Very doge. Much scare. Wow.


'Custom' ninja costume

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Apparently a unisex costume, this purple ninja costume will be great for anyone wanting to blend into a Beijing crowd, with a handy built-in face mask for polluted days. Ninja's wear bright colours, right?


Inflatable princess costume


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Be the princess you always wanted to be, be a comforting balloon. Take up space at any party with this beautiful number and make sure everyone knows how pretty in pink you are.


Inflatable chicken costume

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While we're on the subject of inflatable things, check out this hot chicken. Possibly coming out of an egg, possibly returning to the hell from whence it came, this costume also features completely unnecessary yellow flaps for your feet.


Qing Imperial Minister ghost


"qing"


Pretend to be an ancient imperial minister risen from the grave after President Xi's remarks at the National Party Congress (we really, really recommend you don't actually). While the costume's actual delivery is certainly lacking a bit, we're giving them bonus points for sheer creativity.


A Dad-bod tummy addition

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Show off a beautiful bod (especially if you don't have one) with this fantastic addition to any costume. For even more class this Halloween, make sure to store snacks and beer in your tacky tum.


An actual phallus

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Forget subtlety, here's a costume that will leave no one questioning. It comes in different colours as well including pink, brown and 'skin', because, diversity.


There are hundreds more on Taobao, so get hunting!

Halloween in Beijing

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