Whether or not your dad is actually in Beijing, it seems only fitting to honour the man who probably distilled in you your sense of humour with some truly terrible jokes.
Tell 'em to your parents, neighbours, friends and whoever else might appreciate some cringeworthy Beijing humour. Just don't laugh so hard you get distracted and end up getting hit by an e-bike – we don't think we could handle the guilt.
A jian bing walks into a bar and orders a Tsingtao. Bartender says, 'Sorry we don't serve food here’.
If you see a robbery at the Taikoo Li Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
I went all the way to Shanghai Disneyland because my kids are obsessed with Mickey Mouse. They were gutted when I got back to Beijing and told them.
What utensils do you need to use at a Beijing barbecue? Hutongs.
My dad got hit in the head with a can of Arctic Ocean today. Don't worry, he’s not hurt – it was a soft drink.
I caught a really dodgy looking fish in Houhai lake today. I'm not sure what he was on but he was hooked on something.
You know Palms LA wrote a song about a tortilla? Actually, it was more of a wrap.
A man tried to wash a hundred kuai note in his top-loader. He got arrested for money laundering.
What do you say when you procrastinate on the maths section of the Gaokao? I’ll calc-u-later.
My friend and I really bonded over our love of Feiyue. I think we’re solemates.
Got a letter today complaining that my dog had been chasing people with Mobikes. I didn’t know dogs could ride bicycles.
What do you call an ageing Beijing boyband? Boys-II-Andingmen.
So there you go, that's your lot for this year. Go out into the world with some more so-bad-they're-great jokes to add to your repertoire and keep laughing, Beijing!