Time Out's official Trump-does-Beijing bucket list

A curated list of things to do for the incoming American President

Donald Trump, former reality star, Tweeter-in-Chief and America's 45th President, touches down in Beijing today for what's set to be one of the most important foreign trips of his presidency so far. While his schedule's sure to be absolutely jam-packed, we thought we'd give the Donald a few suggestions on how to make the most out of his short time here in our brilliant city.

Things to do

Download a VPN

expressvpn

First things first, you've gotta find a way around the Great Firewall of China. And while you may be a fan of walls, if you don't hook yourself up with a VPN you won't be able to tweet while in Beijing (sad!). Choose from either VpyrVPN, ExpressVPN, Astrill, StrongVPN or NordVPN to make sure your tweetstorms don't peter out to a drizzle.

Inspect the Great Wall

great wall

You've probably heard some good things about the Great Wall of China, and while your own Mexico-funded wall is sure to be absolutely yuge, get some pointers from a wall that's over 2,000 years old. For a detailed guide to all its sections, check out Time Out Beijing's extremely handy Ultimate Guide to the Great Wall to pick out your preferred location.

Grab a pussy

cat cafe

At Beijing's many adorable cat cafes, you don't even have to be a star to 'grab 'em by the pussy'. Nibble on food, sip hot beverages and stroke litters of adorable fluffy felines while reminding them that you used to host The Apprentice. Pay a visit to Meow Bar & Coffee to hang out with a staggering number of fluffy comrades located right in Sanlitun.

Flip the bird at North Korea’s Embassy

north korean flag

Show North Korea and its Little Rocket Man who's boss by visiting the Embassy of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea located in Chaoyang. Get out from behind your phone screen and flip them the bird in the ultimate act of defiance (just make sure you get in close in case they can't make out your hands).

Go golfing

bayhood no.9

Let's be honest, you've been working now for five days straight touring Asia and frankly, you're absolutely knackered. Take a break from your gruelling schedule by teeing off at one of Beijing's many golf courses. While it certainly ain't cheap (who cares? Your tax returns definitely say you're a billionaire), Bayhood No.9 Golf Club is the largest golf course in Beijing and features 18 holes, a full-service spa, restaurants and more. For the rest of us 99 percenters, there's also Jinghua Golf Club, Beijing International Golf Club and Huatang Golf Club to take a punt at.

Shop

Tailor ill-fitting suits

principle m

We understand you're fairly attached to the same cut of suit you've been wearing since the '80s, however if you'd like to branch out and own a suit that actually fits, then we've got you sorted. Head out to see the dapper folks at Principle M or Suitsupply for a perfectly tailored, sleek new suit that matches your formidable business acumen.

Update your fake tan

sunbed

Refresh that healthy orange glow by visiting one of Beijing's tanning salons. Consider a visit to sunbed manufacturer MegaSun's flagship CBD salon in SOHO Shangdu, or check out Luxura Tanning Center in Sanlitun to maintain that perfect shade of Fanta.

Buy a gift for the First Lady (and Melania)

sanlipop

There are people who are saying that your daughter Ivanka is one of the classiest women ever. Many people. The best people. Buy your daughter (and Melania, we guess) a unique, one-of-a-kind gift at one of Beijing's brilliant independent boutiques. Check out Anchoret for avant-garde clothing from different designers, Sanlipop for fashion-forward bags and apparel, FNJI for sleek high-end furniture and loads more.

Eat and Drink

Gorge on traditional American-style grub

cannon's2

Who cares if you're in China? You're the Donald, and none of this foreign muck appeals to your refined all-American palate. Head to Home Plate, Slow Boat, Fatboy's the Burger Bar or Cannon's for satisfyingly meaty burgers, then wash it all down with a thickshake from Moka Bros or Beersmith.

Prove that you don’t think all Mexicans are bad hombres by dining Mexican

the taco bar

You love Mexicans. In fact, nobody respects Mexicans and Hispanics more than you. If you're feeling slightly adventurous then skip all the American grub and remind all the haters that you don't think Mexicans are that bad. For down and dirty Tex-Mex cuisine you can't go past Ron Mexico or Q Mex, but for something a little more authentic, check out Taco Bar. They may not serve taco bowls like they do in Trump Tower, but we promise you this Mexican food will hit the spot.

Share a meal with Russian comrades

moscow restaurant

It ain't collusion if you're struck by a sudden hankering for borscht. To fix your craving for Soviet-style cuisine, head to Moscow Restaurant for old-world Mother Russia vibes, Dacha for an exceptionally diverse Ukrainian-Russian menu or Traktirr Pushkin for comforting, authentic home-cooking. Just make sure you forego all talk of future elections.

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